Bigotry

CT “forcing” Christian school to close

CT “forcing” Christian school to close

The passing of the legislation banning Conversion Therapy in New Zealand has been slow to see any noticeable change. But I didn’t quite see this coming:

Christian school closing down!

This was in the news last night, and I was quite surprised! And the news item suggests there could be more to follow. Basically, they say they “have” to close because they aren’t allowed to practice Conversion Therapy on the kids.

The interview with the school’s spokesperson quickly revealed how utterly ignorant they are of the facts around sexuality and gender, and stating that they “didn’t want an 18yo boy who is questioning his sexuality sharing the same toilet as a 5yo girl” shows how absurd their understanding of this really is.

But there is also a bigger picture in all this around “religious” schools and their entire ethos.

Is it really OK to allow kids to be completely indoctrinated to dogmatic religious beliefs that refuse any form of unbiased or balanced education on alternative beliefs and philosophies?

Is it acceptable that the only input they get on the incredibly complex issue of sexuality and gender is from the selective, white western interpretations of biblical scripture?

It all leads into some very difficult conversations about the rights we have, as parents, around how we educate our children to grow into adults who can truly benefit society, through understanding unconditional love, objective and rational thought and empathy. Are we allowing more and more division and polarisation by allowing these schools to create “us versus them” paradigms in children in their crucial formative years?

Time for some difficult discussions by those brave enough to have them.

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Conversion Therapy, 0 comments
Conversion Therapy Workshops/Seminars

Conversion Therapy Workshops/Seminars

With the recent passing of the bill to ban Conversion Therapy, many are asking exactly what that means.

This workshop explains everything from the basics of what “LGBTI” is; the reason why religion has reviled it and the misunderstanding of biblical texts; what Conversion Therapy is and the damage it causes; what the legislation is all about and how to access support services.

Everyone is welcome, this is all about education and finding hope and help!

I will be running two free workshop/seminars in Auckland:

EVENT RESCHEDULED!

The first seminar in Auckland CBD has been rescheduled due to the cyclone forecast for the region.

New date: Friday 17th Feb, 6:30pm at Ellen Melville Centre, 2 Freyberg Pl, Aukland CBD)

Friday 24th Feb, 6pm at Te Manawa, 11 Kohuhu Lane, Westgate, Auckland

 

This event is a “safe space”. Abuse in any form will not be tolerated.

Click here for Pride Month event listing

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Conversion Therapy, Mental Health, News, 0 comments
HELP DESPERATELY NEEDED!

HELP DESPERATELY NEEDED!

I’m occasionally approached by LGBT+ people in African nations who are utterly desperate to escape.

They have been abused, assaulted, imprisoned, tortured and have nowhere left to turn.

There are LGBT+ support services around the continent, but they are incredibly limited in what they can do. Money is the main factor, but there is also the simple issue that they also put themselves in danger by helping.

Most of us are in western countries, and although we certainly have our fair share of abuse and difficulties, it pales in comparison to places like the African nations.

The main cause of suffering is religion. Even though it may come from a particular society and political regime, religion is still at the core of it. It’s so often been something I feel helpless about, and offering online support, although well meaning, and providing a certain sense of “you are not alone”, is basically useless. Mental health is the least of your problems when you may be tortured or murdered.

Right at this moment, I’m trying to help a guy who’s contacted me, on the edge of suicide, in Tanzania. He is desperate and fears for his life – right now! He’s been a vocal and visual advocate in his country and is paying the price dearly. He has to get out, and is looking for a way urgently. He’s been trying for two years, and although there are organisations who can help, they don’t have the funds or resources to help everyone. There’s just not enough to go around.

I’m going to do all I can for this guy in particular, and hopefully get enough funds to provide immediate help. He’s actually provided a detailed breakdown of every step needed to escape to Kenya, and then relocate as a refugee, and has support from people in Kenya to do this. The amount he needs isn’t even that much ($686US). If you feel like helping, let me know, or just donate through Silent Gays website.

But the big picture is that countless LGBT+ people need our help, instead of endless articles and news items on how tough it is over there. I’m looking for one or two organisations who have a presence on the ground there, to support and I’d appreciate any advice on the most effective ones.

Please – let’s do this before more suffer and die!

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, 0 comments
Too tired to engage

Too tired to engage

The only way to successfully communicate with fundamentalist Christians is through heart felt empathy – from our part. It seems this is the only way to find a crack in their armour, where they see our humanity, vulnerability and heart.
But I must confess, even then it’s an uphill battle.
Sadly for far too many, it’s too late for us to engage in any meaningful way. So many of us LGBT+ people have decided that we can no longer embrace our faith and are looking for safe spaces to deconstruct.
Many are too afraid to publicly admit that they no longer hold to the traditional Christian theology and doctrines, but remain because they have nowhere else to go!
The church community can be such a strong pull that to walk away feels like dying. They are suffering in a place of complete cognitive dissonance – the “silent gays” – hiding their true identity, living in fear, wearing the mask.
For many LGBT+ people struggling to maintain their faith, they are too tired. They are emotionally damaged to the point where the thought of engaging in the ways that require emotional vulnerability and compassion are just another load on top of what they already carry.
Although I personally try to engage traditionalists with empathy and compassion, I far too often find it exhausting and frustrating. I’m learning to walk away a little more graciously these days, but I have my moments!
This is a huge reality, and causes intense silent suffering. Mental health issues are inevitable and the suicide rate in LGBT+ Christians is horrifically high.
You aren’t alone! Don’t be afraid to reach out to those who have walked away from church. It’s OK to ask taboo questions. It’s OK to deconstruct in whatever way you need. “God” is far bigger than any religion can contain.
Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Mental Health, 0 comments
It’s Not Just Conversion Therapy

It’s Not Just Conversion Therapy

 

A friend made this comment that really encapsulates the depth of the issues for LGBT+ people around religious abuse and the implications of banning CT and hate speech.

The deep seated guilt and shame for LGBT+ Christians isn’t easily solved by just joining an affirming church or finding new friends.

Part of the difficulty is that the guilt is applied well before it gets to the “conversion therapy” stage as the teaching is woven throughout the belief system for everyone. In the church I grew up in during the 60’s and 70’s, there was little anti-gay stuff spoken directly from the pulpit but it was implied and inferred. There was a little more said at home (probably in answer to questions about what did the Pastor mean when . . . ) but somehow one was very clearly taught that anything except heterosexual monogamous marriage was the only acceptable way to do relationships.
This screws up everyone’s thinking if they have any degree of LGBTQIA attributes – the guilt and sense of brokenness is inherent even without going to conversion therapy.
As Gay Activism got louder through the 70s, the anti-gay theme began showing up more obviously in church teachings, and one buried one’s unacceptable sexuality even further, and took in the anti-gay mantel too.
Even though not subject to overt applied conversion therapy, every person that fellowships in these church activities is subject to subtle implied conversion therapy.
How does one legislate against that?
Hate speech, no, they’re too subtle for that. One of the last church services I attended at the ‘radical centre’ church I attended, stated that if a homosexual couple came into the church they would be welcome and accepted – but that a marriage would not be performed in the church or by that pastor.
So – they have worked out ways around the hate speech laws.
This is fast becoming the church’s normal way of dealing with it all – bigotry and hypocrisy with a welcoming smile and knife in the back.
We still have a long way to go.
Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Mental Health, 0 comments
Being Trans – Part 2

Being Trans – Part 2

My previous post on Being Trans discussed the “technical” issues. But there is another side to this that is usually overlooked (and ultimately, it applies to the entire range of LGBT+ people).

Nearly all the science and psychology around the topic tends to regard Trans people (especially Trans women) as oddities to be researched, defined and categorised. Of course, there is no malice or untoward motivation in most of this – it is what it is – but there’s no denying the growing scientific interest in the entire nature of sex, sexuality and gender.

What this has created is an environment where LGBT+, and in particular Trans people, have become the topics of conversations that don’t actually involve them. People talk about them, rather than with them. Everyone now has an opinion, based on their feelings about it, backed up by whatever “science” they find to support those feelings. But they are also the topic of genuine scientific inquiry, which, despite being beneficial, is still people discussing your very being.

So here’s the thing – imagine, if you can, how that would make you feel. People telling you how you should feel or react, how you should behave, how you should think, how you should look, discussing your mental health and your physiology, constantly. Imagine being confronted on a daily basis by people who think you are sick and deluded. needing psychiatric help. Can you possibly begin to understand this?

Trans people, and Trans women in particular, are faced with issues most of us can’t begin to comprehend, and yet they are left out of the conversations or dismissed entirely! In some cases, this can create extreme radicalism fueled by hate and fear. But for the vast majority, it reinforces and increases that mental distress they already face through battling with the complexities of gender dysphoria. Either way, it’s a mess.

What do we do about this?

Listen to them! Include them. Hear their stories, their hearts, their struggles. In fact. let them lead the discussions. Our only valid input is to help them process their traumas with empathy and encouragement through love. They don’t need our opinions, no matter how passionate we are about them. Support the science and research, but give Trans people direct input into the whole issue. They aren’t Guinea Pigs and freaks who must be dissected and analysed – they are human beings who, more than anything, need to be loved and accepted as they are. The science can wait.

Live Loved!

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, Mental Health, 0 comments
Being Trans

Being Trans

I’m not trans, so this is obviously NOT a post guided by lived experience, but I have taken a lot of time to research and understand what being Trans is all about. For all trans people who read this, I apologise if I haven’t got something right – feel free to comment (nicely please).

JK Rowlings has sparked a massive backlash around the whole biological issue for Trans people. I’ve read her comments carefully and other’s who support her views (I’m not talking about TERFS here, I’m referring to more measured and “rational” views). In all honesty, over the years I’ve had to re-learn a lot of stuff about the entire concepts of gender and sex, so in a way, I don’t blame people for their reactions.

However, it’s time to address this using that rather underutilized commodity – science!

So – are trans women biological women?? (and same for trans men of course, although they generally face different problems)

To address this we have to take a step back and look at what determines gender in the first place. The obvious is external genitals, breasts, facial hair etc. Then there’s internal organs and various aspects around fat distribution, muscle density etc. Then there’s the least discussed and most crucial aspect – chromosomes.

To understand this better we have to look at Intersex. Basically, this is where people have some sort of “gender ambiguity” based on the above mentioned aspects. Some people appear predominantly male on the outside but have ovaries, others look feminine but have testes. There are a myriad of possibilities! It’s hard to get any definitive stats on it, but it could be as much as one in 1600 have Intersex variations, and just as likely that we all have minor variations that don’t show up under our current abilities to test this on a large scale.

Chromosomal differences are particularly interesting. Here is a very thorough analysis of this by the WHO. Suffice to say, we are beginning to understand that sex is absolutely NOT clear cut, despite what our eyes tell us when we see male or female external appearances!

Sadly, there is very little research on how this relates to Trans people, mostly because chromosome testing is pretty much never done as part of the “diagnosis”. What we DO know is that the science supports a far broader concept of male and female anatomy and identification than we ever imagined.

Throughout human history there have always been Trans and Intersex people, with cultures recognising them in a variety of ways, mostly positive! It’s only in the last 100 years or so that western culture has vilified them (generalisation).

So where does that leave us?

We can safely deduce that Trans people have some underlying genetic coding responsible for their sex and gender identity. The science is very clear about the level of ambiguity through chromosomal mutations, meaning that the whole idea of “women are women and men are men” becomes anathema. This simply is not factual. So when some say that trans women can never be “real” women, we are denying the facts. Am I saying all Trans people are Intersex, not exactly, it’s just that we don’t know enough yet.

There are millions of people who identify as women but have some form of Intersex features, often unknown to them!
Some women have excessive facial hair – are they less of a woman?
Some women have enlarged libias (or other parts of their genitals) – are they less of a woman?
Some have deep voices, some have no breasts, some have no ovaries, some have internal testes, and some have chromosomal differences that we don’t fully understand their affects.
Would you call any of these people NOT women?

For Trans women then, we are faced with the simple question – at what point is a woman a woman or a man a man? If someone knows beyond doubt that they feel different or there’s dysphoria – that their body and how they think about their gender doesn’t fit the stereotypes – how are we to define them, and why do we feel the need to do so!

The science shows us that it’s a far more complex issue than we imagined and to demand we push people into binaries is nothing more than social bigotry. It’s understandable though, because ignorance is to blame, and we can’t expect people to accept something they have no real understanding of. But we can educate them! We can point them to the science. We can help them grow in compassion and realise that we are all human beings before anything else.

To my many Trans friends – I have no idea what it’s like for you, but I do understand, even from a gay man’s perspective, that bigotry based on ignorance is brutal and destructive. You are free to be recognised in any way you choose!

As an interesting side issue, I’ve found some trans people feel pressure from their peers to become “fully female” or “fully male” and there are groups who say you aren’t really trans unless you do so. This is the extreme opposite side of the issue and is just as destructive. It’s your body and only you know what works for you! Find that place where you are comfortable “in your own skin”. You don’t have to conform to anyone’s ideas. One of my oldest friends fully transitioned to female. In the early days she tried to be very feminine, but after a while realised that she was happy being a bit rough around the edges and trying to be overly feminine went against her personality. But it’s different for everyone – BE YOU!!

 

Posted by Jim Marjoram in Blog, 2 comments