In fact, we have discovered/invented thousands of them, possibly millions, ever since whenever!
We create gods that reflect our needs, and some gods have survived the test of time because they satisfy a broad range of existential needs in a way that can be manipulated enough to fit into different times and cultures.
This video is an excellent summary of the topic:
The problem of whether the God of the Bible actually commanded the genocide of multiple nations/tribes is often “the elephant in the room” for Christians and Jews.
Most of the time it’s just ignored and/or put in the too-hard basket and labelled “His ways are higher than ours”.
Check out my Substack article here (which includes a video by Dan McClellan)
The intention is wonderful, and it’s certainly a step in the right direction as humanity constantly struggles with religious ideologies and their associated cultural and social identities, but…
This whole thing that says “it’s not about religion – it’s a relationship” is a complete crock.
Here’s my Substack article about it.
https://comingoutofreligion.substack.com/p/is-jesus-my-imaginary-friend
Silent Gays has been running for around 10 years now!
During the first few years, it evolved into a support service solely focussed on helping survivors of religious abuse and conversion therapy to deconstruct their religious beliefs and find their own unique spirituality.
I’ve built a website, run workshops, spoken at many conferences and events, been on mainstream media quite a few times, been in three documentaries, written the CORE (Coming Out Of Religious Experiences) Workbook, spent countless hours talking one to one with people through social media and messaging, emails, and face to face, worked with the Human Rights commission, been involved with the NZ anti-Conversion Therapy legislation, and much more. It’s been an amazing time!
The main reasons I created Silent Gays were twofold. Firstly, I saw an incredible need for those who, like myself, had spent so many years trapped in some form of abusive religion that not only denied their human rights but often actively “demonised” them and subjected them to the work of Christian “ministries” in efforts to “pray away the gay” and make us “straight”. The psychological and emotional (and sometimes even physical) damage is inestimable. Many will go to the grave, never having found the love and support they need.
Secondly, I felt I owed some sort of reparation to the Rainbow community for my role as a leader in these horrific ministries for nearly 15 years.
However, over the last year I’ve found myself lacking motivation, to the point where I haven’t kept the website or social media as up to date as it really needs to be. The project has been a labour of love, as I’ve used all my own money (apart from one regular supporter who sadly died last year, and a fund-raiser for a new computer), and despite some wonderful friends occasionally helping out with various projects, I’ve never been able to find anyone willing to put in the time to help run things.
A few weeks ago I finally had to admit to myself that I need a break – perhaps a “sabbatical”, or maybe a complete break, to clear my head and assess what the Silent Gays demographic really needs.
I’ll still be active in the community though, and will be available for speaking engagements, seminars, workshops etc, and will be on a couple of advisory groups. I may also start mentoring/coaching services again.
The other side of all this is about my alter ego as a musician. In fact, music has been my dream for as long as I can remember. I was trained as a classical organist as a kid, and went on to become a “full-time” muso in the 70s and 80s, working in bands, studios, teaching etc. But my adventures in fundamentalist Christianity put an end to that, and my musical endeavours were confined to the world of Christian music.
After I came out in 2011, I slowly returned to exploring my creative roots and have produced a small catalogue of music that I’m reasonably proud of. But I’m not getting any younger, and I’m determined to pursue my dream before I kick the bucket, devoting the majority of my time and resources to this.
So with all this in mind, I’m stepping back from Silent Gays for the foreseeable future. I’ll keep the website up as a static resource, and I’ll respond to emails as needed. Not sure if I’ll keep the Facebook page yet. I’ll also keep the CORE resources available, as they have been valuable for many people on their journey of “coming out of religion”.
Meanwhile, I’m building a new website – jimmarjoram.com – which will be mostly for music, but also blogging my thoughts on life etc. (You can check out my musical meanderings on Bandcamp). I’ll also be closing down itslifejim.pub and merging all my old blogs and book sales into the new site.
Well, that’s my news, and I’m quite excited about the future! And please, don’t hesitate to contact me if you need support.
Merry and happy whatevers!
Jimm
Finally… we are getting together face to face (in Auckland)!
Join us this Saturday! A low-key, safe space for sharing and caring.
This week’s main goal – find a catchy name for the group! 😁
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
1st and 3rd Saturdays of the month.
(Please RSVP on the Event page)
5th October 2024 – 2pm to 4pm
Auckland Unitarian Church
1a Ponsonby Road, Grey Lynn
Please RSVP (Facebook Event link or email)
There is a desperate need to support people working through issues of faith and spirituality, while providing safe spaces without biases and agendas. Where they are free to explore their own personal spiritual journey while being supported by a loving community, and it’s OK to ask any questions and still be loved.
The Rainbow Community has experienced incredible amounts of abuse from religious groups over the years. The highest demographic for mental health problems and suicide in the community is in religious contexts.
Many of these survivors have completely lost families and friends along with their broader faith communities. Some manage to find a fully embracing church community that aligns with their faith, but many are so traumatised that they could never set foot in a church or be part of that community again.
Here is an outline of the issues I’d like to present to the community to discuss. If you like, you can even email me with your ideas before the meeting – jim@silentgays.com
Provide a centrally located place that has a sense of warmth and purpose.
Regular meetings that explore the unique difficulties we’ve experienced and sharing ways to move forward with integrity and freedom.
Have the backing of an organisation with credibility and experience in the area of social responsibility and community caring.
Explore new and innovative ways of creating communities, support services etc, based on the real needs, inviting people to participate at all levels with a high level of flexibility around the structure as we learn and grow.
Practical considerations such as:
Leadership/oversight and finances
Meeting structure and frequency
Social activities
Long term goals
Download the flyer here
Please feel free to contact me at jim@silentgays.com
It’s especially helpful for those of us trying to support those we love in the Rainbow community suffering from various mental health problems.
Silent Gays is a support and resource project designed to help LGBT+ people who have been through religious abuse deconstruct their beliefs and find healing, self-worth, and their own unique spirituality. Contact us today to learn more!
Dealing with mental health issues is far from easy. Whether your LGBTI+ loved one is dealing with depression, anxiety, substance abuse, bipolar illness, or other concerns, these conditions may seem daunting, but many can now be treated and managed successfully. The right treatment will provide your loved one with the tools and resources they need to meet their challenges, now and in the future. However, families making these decisions for their loved ones are often overwhelmed by the number of treatment options and amenities offered by different places. Silent Gays shares some key things to consider when selecting help for your loved one.
Mental health facilities employ trained and experienced staff who know the best ways to treat and support people on their journeys to wellness. Many treatment programs are run by passionate, empathetic people with big hearts, but these individuals may not have the expertise needed to give your loved one the treatment they need for long-term success.
Narrow your search to facilities that employ licensed social workers and those sensitive to the LGBTI+ community, as well as medical staff—these professionals have completed a Master of Social Work program at an accredited United States university. Even students who take online MSW programs must complete a period of field education, working at a health services agency, to gain real-world experience and skills.
Many different types of treatment are available. A lot will depend on the issue your loved one is facing. AddictionHelp.com shows that medication-assisted therapy provides promising treatment outcomes, reducing the risk of relapse and preventing overdoses in cases of substance abuse. Some facilities incorporate physical activity, nutrition, or comprehensive therapies into their treatment plans to address more than addiction alone. In cases of depression, some similar methods may be used, and also may be supplemented by holistic therapies.
Making smart choices in daily habits plays a crucial role in mental rehabilitation, emphasizing the importance of nutrition and physical activity. Incorporating healthy snacks, such as fruits, nuts, and yoghurt, can nourish the brain and enhance mood stability. Regular exercise, tailored to individual preferences and capabilities, not only boosts physical health but also significantly improves mental well-being by releasing endorphins and reducing stress.
As you search for treatment best suited to your LGBTI+ family member, you’ll come across treatment programs of all lengths. In general, longer treatments tend to be more effective for substance abuse. Unfortunately, many insurance policies only cover about one month of rehab care, so finances can become a problem for many families. If cost is an issue, consider outpatient treatment. In an outpatient facility, your loved one can gain the benefits of long-term treatment without the high cost of inpatient care. It’s also critical that treatment programs incorporate some level of aftercare to help patients avoid relapse after treatment is complete.
While effective treatments and qualified staff play a crucial role in treatment of mental illness, a strong support network is also important. Social support can help people avoid feelings of loneliness and isolation, while providing a greater sense of purpose and optimism for the future. So you can continue providing support and care to your loved one while they go through treatment, try to pick a facility that’s close by.
On the other hand, your loved one may prefer to get far away from the environments and people they associate with difficulties. According to Turning Point of Tampa, there are several environmental influences that can affect recovery from addiction and other issues. For some people, an inpatient center in a calming, natural setting may be a better choice than an outpatient program closer to home. In the end, the best choice for your loved one will depend on their personal preferences—they’ll have the greatest chance of success if they’re in an environment where they feel comfortable and safe.
While your loved one begins their treatment, consider working on making your home a pleasant place that encourages healthy habits. Start by cleaning and decluttering to remove negative energy. Set up spaces devoted to meditation and exercise, and set a good example by using these spaces for their intended purposes. Make sure your home has plenty of natural light, and open those curtains and blinds during the day. If natural light isn’t a possibility in your home, consider investing in a light therapy box. Your loved one’s doctor may have good suggestions on this, so be sure to check with them.
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Selecting the best mental health treatment for your LGBTI+ loved one can be a tough process. Be prepared to do plenty of research and ask lots of questions as you seek out the best options for your friend or family member. Remember to consider your loved one’s unique needs and desires to ensure a great fit between them and the treatment program.
The passing of the legislation banning Conversion Therapy in New Zealand has been slow to see any noticeable change. But I didn’t quite see this coming:
Christian school closing down!
This was in the news last night, and I was quite surprised! And the news item suggests there could be more to follow. Basically, they say they “have” to close because they aren’t allowed to practice Conversion Therapy on the kids.
The interview with the school’s spokesperson quickly revealed how utterly ignorant they are of the facts around sexuality and gender, and stating that they “didn’t want an 18yo boy who is questioning his sexuality sharing the same toilet as a 5yo girl” shows how absurd their understanding of this really is.
But there is also a bigger picture in all this around “religious” schools and their entire ethos.
Is it really OK to allow kids to be completely indoctrinated to dogmatic religious beliefs that refuse any form of unbiased or balanced education on alternative beliefs and philosophies?
Is it acceptable that the only input they get on the incredibly complex issue of sexuality and gender is from the selective, white western interpretations of biblical scripture?
It all leads into some very difficult conversations about the rights we have, as parents, around how we educate our children to grow into adults who can truly benefit society, through understanding unconditional love, objective and rational thought and empathy. Are we allowing more and more division and polarisation by allowing these schools to create “us versus them” paradigms in children in their crucial formative years?
Time for some difficult discussions by those brave enough to have them.